Well the first thing I have learned about overseas pregnancy healthcare is that the term midwife is VERY different. HAHAHA Here a midwife is just anyone who takes care of pregnant women, meaning more though in the sense of a friend helping out, they don't actually do medical care. Once I figured that out I found the local Woman's Hospital. I would show you a link but its a VERY small place. We walked by it and didn't even notice it was a hospital, it looks more like a small store. So I had previously made an appointment with a local OB GYN (the pronounce it O. B. GUY-KNEE here). Walked into the hospital and there was a small desk with a nurse, a closet sized billings department, a closet size lab, and a closet size pharmacy desk. I go to the nurse and thats where I do my check in (BP was 100/70!), they asked me some basic history (all of this while sitting in an area we would consider a waiting room. (so good thing I'm not shy about talking!). Once I am done with her she writes "UA" on a piece of paper and sends me to lab. I get my urine cup which is the size of the small paper cups at McDonalds for your Ketchup! And head to the bathroom--which of course has the Asian style toilets (ones with no seats that your hover over, oh and no TP) So I get my sample for them (of course peeing on hand in the process! hahaha) and take it back to the lab. You have to pay before they run the test...no problem since its $1.25 for the test. Then I waited 5 min to get the results (I need to drink more--big shock huh!?!). Next off to the doctor's office. The office is JUST big enough to have a exam table and a small desk for the doctor. We go over the usually stuff nothing to exciting. Then I get my cervix checked (nice and closed!) and get to hear the heartbeat (130's bpm). Just a routine check up (cost me $7). They did offer an ultrasound if I wanted one (it costs $4), but I declined since there is no medical reason for one, I didn't see the point of getting it. I will be getting a full anatomy scan when I get back to the states to check for abnormalities and things like that. And Yes I'm still on Team Green! (not finding out the sex) I am actually kind of surprised I don't want to know yet, I figured I would cave once we got to this point in my pregnancy. 

Well we left one hour early to get to the appointment, but then found an accident on the interstate that had us sitting for 30min! We got to the office only 5 min late which was fine because the midwife was going to be even later! LOL On the drive there Troy was sort of having the realization that he needs multiple ways to get me to the birthing center when we get closer to due date just in case we hit traffic. I bet he ends up with at least 5 paths by the time we are due LOL.

So for my appointment......First we chatted with the nurse and went over history and family history--all the boring stuff. Got my BP 108/75 (take the Troy :P ) and had some blood drawn and a sterile urine test (should get the results back next week). After the nurse was done with me I got to meet Hilary, one of the midwives. She was very nice, she spent 1 hour going over everything with us and even took the time to answer Troy and Mine million questions list! One of the things that I learned was that pelvic rest does include NO orgasms also, not that it matters because we aren't on it, but its nice to know. Also did you know you CAN have TO MANY massages....*jaw drops*....looks like I have to scale back some. :( She gave me a prescription for some prenatal vitamins with stool softner AND Omegas in them. So now I will take 2 pills a day instead of 5...which will be nice. I do lose my probiotics though---may have to go buy some on their own. Also I got a prescription for some Macrobid, in case of UTI while traveling---I tend to get those easily. And finally a prescription for a fetal heart monitor---so my insurance will be paying for one!!!! WOOT!!!
After the long talk and Q&A's......The finale of the appointment was the hearing the fetal heart tones with a Doppler.....which we heard!!!! I have never heard via Doppler my bean's heartbeat so it was pretty cool. The little guy was about 171-177 bpm. Oh I also got some of that wonderful Glucose drink so I have it when we come back (about 27 weeks along) to do my sugar test and we will have our next u/s done then! In the mean time I'm just suppose to see a provider in the Philippines for some routine checks once a month till I get back---easy peasy!

Well we managed to get through the holiday season with tons of family and friends and still keep our little secret! I was surprised that there were only one or two moments where I did want to tell people. I feel very good about our decision to wait till 14 weeks (jan 26th-my 31st birthday! we will tell).
Oh also I have my first midwife appointment on 1/2/09 (fri) so I am very excited to meet Hillary. Last time I was there for my pre-conception appointment I had met with Julie. There is one other lady in the group also-Gayle. Link to check them out. Assuming Troy likes the group we will most likely use them. Turns out they have a Birthing center! Its not free standing but its not a hospital "birthing center" either. I will be able to have a water birth if I want!!!! The other group of midwives we were checking out just lost two of their CNM who were willing to do homebirths. This leaves one CNM in the "group" and she can't take many patients so it looks like my dream of a home birth is getting put off till next time :(
I will get pictures of my clothes I bought soon I promise!

So I still had a little cramping when I woke up this morning. But my cervix does fee hard again...which makes me feel better. But since I'm getting on a plane to Singapore tomorrow (oh yeah update-we are going to Singapore for visas to come back to Thailand-not sure when we get to come back to the states) I thought I better get checked out. So slight cramping/sharp pains on my right side and no bleeding or spotting at all. We make an appointment and go in to the doctors. I tell her how my cervix seems to be getting soft some days and firm others....so up in the stirrups I go! Every thing is how it should be-closed cervix and nice and firm.....but (there is always a but) my ovary on the right is a little large and tender. So off to the ultrasound we go...same fricken room as last time also! So we get in there and start doing the ultrasound..... there it was! ONE (again so happy only a singleton!) heartbeat...146bpm. Measuring at 7 weeks and 1-2 days....I am sure I'm 7 weeks and 5 days but whats a couple days right?! Everything baby wise/cervix wise/uterus wise looks good! Now about that ovary thing....I have delt with cysts on my ovaries my entire reproductive life...they suck...well I have two on my right ovary. I totally called it! While troy and I were in the waiting room I told him I bet I have at least one on my right ovary and I guessed the size and everything....I was spot on. So now we will have to monitor that and hope it doesn't start causing me alot of pain...because I'm not going to be taking any drugs if possible.
Also I talked to troy about what I thought of his "support" last night and tried to display it in a non-hormonal way....I don't think he has the full grasp of it, but he knows it bugged me. Don't know what else I can do about it now. But this whole thing made me realize I don't want to tell family or friends about being pregnant until I'm like 14 weeks along (which just happens to be my birthday), so NO ONE will be told until then (well minus my JM girls who have this blog LOL), and the co-workers we have no choice to tell because we can't take certain jobs now, but I'm not worried about co-workers telling family/friends since they don't know who they are!

Well thats all folks.....oh wait I bet you want to see photos don't you?! LOL ok here you go

I had my follow up doctor's appointment today......the official diagnosis........"These things just happen".

The doctor started to say to wait 1-3 months before trying again. I asked him why should we wait. He told me so the next "doctor" can date my pregnancy. I even asked if there was ANOTHER reason. I at least figured he would say "give your body time to heal" or "your uterian lining needs time to rebuild". But what else did he say... NOPE, NADA, NOTHING.

Well I chart and I KNOW when my last 100% NOT pregnant last day was, and since we haven't even had sex I'm pretty confident I'm not right now. Plus we have ultrasound dating for the thousands people who have no idea what there due date would be. So there is not a medical reason to wait for anything...that's just crap.

After coming home Troy and I were talking and he has decided that he needs to wait. He is not sure how long, but he needs a break. Well my husband means the world to me, so if he is not ready and needs time to heal, I can respect that. I can't push, nor would I want to, my craptastic coping skills on him. So if this is what he needs, then thats what we will do.

How do I feel about waiting? Well its no shock to anyone that I want to get right back up on that horse (so would troy be the horse then hahaha). But I love my husband dearly and am will to do whatever I can to support him, it will not kill me to wait a little longer. My marriage means more to me then TTC does.


*wondering if Troy reads this blog that often* hehehe

Sort version---I am no longer pregnant and had a D&C.

Long version--
(very detailed story-BIG WARNING!)
So the events of last night. After dinner last night, we had a huge Mexican meal, I was having some light cramping--i thought it was gas since I just ate more food in one sitting then I had in months. I had a large BM and started to feel better. I was out with some friends and I went to the bathroom and had some mucus discharge (first time since I found out I was pregnant). So Troy and I decided to head home an have a night in. I fell asleep about 2am (my normal time LOL). And woke up at 3 with some cramps, rolled over and went back to sleep....well from 3-5am I kept waking up every 15-20min with cramps. Troy got up for work at 6am and I was sleeping pretty well. Well I woke up to a big cramp and a gush of clear liquid-at first I thought I peed my pants. Then got up to the bathroom and sat on the toilet and more fluid came out-so I knew it wasn't pee. I told troy its time for the ER so he went to get a car for us and to tell his co-workers he would not be coming into work that morning. While getting ready to go to the ER I went to the bathroom several time with large amounts of blood- I was starting to worry my blood loss was getting to high and I would pass out. So I laid down. Troy came back up and we started to leave when I had to get on the toilet again---I passed a blood clot the size of an orange. Yep I know it was only a blood clot because I put my hand in the toilet picked it up to make sure (its always something the doctor asks you---"was it a clots or tissue"). Well then troy opened the door and saw all the blood and my hand full of blood....he didn't do so good with that. So we cleaned me up a little and then got to the ER- i soaked through a bathroom towel just in the drive. Once I go there we talked to the doctor within 5 min of getting there and was sent to the same ultrasound room I went to 3 weeks ago when I found out the embryo had a heartbeat of 176. So they get us in there and start with an abdominal u/s---well I can already tell from what I have seen with that---there was nothing viable in my uterus. But then they did the vaginal u/s---just tissue-no heartbeat. Troy was a mess, he is a little better now. Then they took me back to the ER and we went over our options---to wait and let nature finish it off (as I was still bleeding/cramping pretty hard) or have a D&C. I decided to let nature take its course. Well about 5 min after we said that I passed another huge clot (yes I checked again) this time the size of a grapefruit---and I know that this means I have active bleeding going on to a higher amount then what was coming out of me. Plus I was starting to get dizzy and my blood pressure was dropping a little. So we decided to go for the D&C. I was in the OR by 9:30 and all done at 10:30.
The procedure went as good as can be expected, and I'm having some twinges but nothing major for pain. I got antibiotics and percocet and Iron to take. And now I am home.
We have a follow up appointment on sept 30 where they will re-check me--since there was so much tissue he wasn't sure he got it all. And to let us know the results of the tests he ran on the tissue.
We plan on getting right back on the horse though....we will start TTC again after 9/30 if my uterus is clear.


So here is the part that is weird----I would like to not talk about this ever again. My coping skills are not normal -I KNOW this. But I NEED to think of this as a medical event. In my brain its not a baby till it can live on its own....so for me- I didn't lose a child/baby ( I ONLY THINK THIS FOR ME!) And Since I'm sharing this about me-I want to throw it all out there---this was my second official spontaneous abortion (I lost triplets 8 yrs ago at about 9 weeks). Plus when I was 18 I believe I had one then also (6weeks). So I promise this isn't a short term coping issue-but its the one that works for me. Please try to understand that this is just me and what I need.

Well after feeling pretty bad this week and losing weight and a huge push from Troy- we decided to go to the hospital to get some medications. The hospitals here are fully functional hospital and clinics, so we just walked in and got to see a doctor. Luckily we had already been to this hospital -2yrs ago when I got sick. So we didn't have to do all the paper work again! We walked in and in 5 min had a doctor sitting in front of us! While there we also got to see our little bean via ultrasound.
First and foremost-yes there is only one!!!!!! The little guy has a heartrate of 176 beats per minute. Perfect. Looks like a gummy bear to me-but that the snack I wanted so I was thinking gummy bears before we even went in. They gave me some nice IV anti-nausea meds (zofran) and a dose of IV Vit B. And sent me home with Reglan and Zofran!! Today I felt great after the hospital...I ate a ton! Well here is what you have been waiting to see....

Today I had my first appointment with the West Suburban Midwife Association. I had scheduled an appointment with Gayle but she was tied up with stuff so instead I met with Julie. We had an almost 2 hour appointment. Talked about tons of stuff and went over the normal things to do and not to do. Got my pap and some blood work drawn-nothing all that exciting. I did manage to put on about 9 lbs since getting to the states about 2 weeks ago....LOL Vegas and all the American food caught up quick. Afterwards I got my New Chapter Prenatal Vitamins, Prenatal DHA, and some other organic/natural supplements for common pregnancy issues at Whole Foods....LOVE that store.