Trying to Bring a Dream to Life: Trip to the ER

Trip to the ER

Sort version---I am no longer pregnant and had a D&C.

Long version--
(very detailed story-BIG WARNING!)
So the events of last night. After dinner last night, we had a huge Mexican meal, I was having some light cramping--i thought it was gas since I just ate more food in one sitting then I had in months. I had a large BM and started to feel better. I was out with some friends and I went to the bathroom and had some mucus discharge (first time since I found out I was pregnant). So Troy and I decided to head home an have a night in. I fell asleep about 2am (my normal time LOL). And woke up at 3 with some cramps, rolled over and went back to sleep....well from 3-5am I kept waking up every 15-20min with cramps. Troy got up for work at 6am and I was sleeping pretty well. Well I woke up to a big cramp and a gush of clear liquid-at first I thought I peed my pants. Then got up to the bathroom and sat on the toilet and more fluid came out-so I knew it wasn't pee. I told troy its time for the ER so he went to get a car for us and to tell his co-workers he would not be coming into work that morning. While getting ready to go to the ER I went to the bathroom several time with large amounts of blood- I was starting to worry my blood loss was getting to high and I would pass out. So I laid down. Troy came back up and we started to leave when I had to get on the toilet again---I passed a blood clot the size of an orange. Yep I know it was only a blood clot because I put my hand in the toilet picked it up to make sure (its always something the doctor asks you---"was it a clots or tissue"). Well then troy opened the door and saw all the blood and my hand full of blood....he didn't do so good with that. So we cleaned me up a little and then got to the ER- i soaked through a bathroom towel just in the drive. Once I go there we talked to the doctor within 5 min of getting there and was sent to the same ultrasound room I went to 3 weeks ago when I found out the embryo had a heartbeat of 176. So they get us in there and start with an abdominal u/s---well I can already tell from what I have seen with that---there was nothing viable in my uterus. But then they did the vaginal u/s---just tissue-no heartbeat. Troy was a mess, he is a little better now. Then they took me back to the ER and we went over our options---to wait and let nature finish it off (as I was still bleeding/cramping pretty hard) or have a D&C. I decided to let nature take its course. Well about 5 min after we said that I passed another huge clot (yes I checked again) this time the size of a grapefruit---and I know that this means I have active bleeding going on to a higher amount then what was coming out of me. Plus I was starting to get dizzy and my blood pressure was dropping a little. So we decided to go for the D&C. I was in the OR by 9:30 and all done at 10:30.
The procedure went as good as can be expected, and I'm having some twinges but nothing major for pain. I got antibiotics and percocet and Iron to take. And now I am home.
We have a follow up appointment on sept 30 where they will re-check me--since there was so much tissue he wasn't sure he got it all. And to let us know the results of the tests he ran on the tissue.
We plan on getting right back on the horse though....we will start TTC again after 9/30 if my uterus is clear.

So here is the part that is weird----I would like to not talk about this ever again. My coping skills are not normal -I KNOW this. But I NEED to think of this as a medical event. In my brain its not a baby till it can live on its own....so for me- I didn't lose a child/baby ( I ONLY THINK THIS FOR ME!) And Since I'm sharing this about me-I want to throw it all out there---this was my second official spontaneous abortion (I lost triplets 8 yrs ago at about 9 weeks). Plus when I was 18 I believe I had one then also (6weeks). So I promise this isn't a short term coping issue-but its the one that works for me. Please try to understand that this is just me and what I need.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...: (((((((((((((huggles))))))))))))); September 21, 2008 at 12:56 PM
Anonymous said...: Hugs for you sweetie~; September 21, 2008 at 4:39 PM
Anonymous said...: Why are you such a liar?; September 21, 2008 at 5:40 PM
Anonymous said...: Gee....seems like a few of us remember you saying you had NEVER POAS before. You had NEVER had sex with out a condem. You had NO reason to think you'd have problems conceiving or carrying to term. You had never been pregnant before but you knew your eggs were good thanks to the donations. What's up with the contradictions? I think you owe a huge explanation!; September 21, 2008 at 11:35 PM
Anonymous said...: This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.; September 22, 2008 at 2:22 AM
Anonymous said...: stop making a mockery out of loss.

you didnt lose anythin but the respect of these women.

how can you 'not be sure' that you were pregnant before, yet know that it was triplets?

What a load of shit.

Sure, every body is different, but (as a nurse...you 'should' know this), hemorrhaging is not that inconsistent. We are talking HOURS after hemorrhage, you are waterskiing and dancing all night long. not to mention drinking. You would be dead or very near it.

Unlucky for you...you've stumbled across someone who HAS actually hemorrhaged before, who HAS had a loss at 12 weeks, who HAS gone through a D&C...and none of what you are describing is making any sense. I know plenty of women who have gone through the procedure, and absolutely NONE of them were physically able to DANCE ALL NIGHT LONG just hours after the procedure.

In case you arent aware (and it is apparent that you arent, despite your 'nursing' experience), the bleeding following a D&C is very similar to the bleeding following the postpartum period. The more you do too soon, the more you will bleed. And this is especially true if you were hemorrhaging.

You are full of shit. You are a troll. You sicken me.

Go fuck with someone else's head, preferably, yours, through the help of a psychologist. You're in some serious need of some attention, and I assure you, it is not the kind that you are seeking.; September 22, 2008 at 2:29 AM
TSMALL said...: Dear Anonymous.

I am sorry for your loss. I am sure you understand what we are going through. My wife spills our life on this blog. If you would like to read it, my wife and I welcome your comments and opinion. If you are holding back your real feelings and would like to continue the conversation, the best way to contact me is via email (small.troy@gmail.com). I am in currently in Thailand, but if you would like to call my cell phone number is +66.868.328.926.

I am not sure what a Troll is, but it seems you want to hurt my wife. If it makes you feel better to make other people depressed, please target someone else.

As for your accusations of lying...I haven't read all of the blogs, and I wouldn't doubt there are some exagerations in some of Angela's stories. However, I assure you that the person I hugged and cried on the bathroom floor with until day break on Saturday was very real. It is a tragic situation, and I am puzzled why somehow you feel better to know that I held her back while she tried to puke away the pain and black out? Granted, she may not cope like we are supposed to; you aren't the first person to tell her that. However, one of the countless reasons I love her is taht Angela is an eternal optimist. If there is one small consolation to the situation, it is that she can be completely stupid and irresponsible. She doesn't have to worry about being a parent yet, and I love her just the same!; September 22, 2008 at 8:14 AM
Anonymous said...: To you anonymous posters...You ladies are unbelievable.

If you'd bothered to get to know Angela at all, not just read or hear about this thru the drama seekers of JM, searching out specific posts of hers and then picking her apart like she's an unfeeling piece of meat, you'd discover she truly is a woman that has been dealt one of the worst blows I woman can be hit with in this life.

If you'd bother to try, you'd discover she's been around JM for almost a year, posting almost as much as me and I've been chatting with other moms on JM for three years.

If you'd bother to take a moment, you'd discover she is well liked on the boards she frequents and has made many friends there, and even now she continues to behave the same way.

These are not the behavoirs of a troll.

Just because we're on the Internet, probably never will meet each other to put a face to our words, doesn't mean everyone shares everything. She shared some things with you, she didn't share others. As a SAHM with not much of a social life, I enjoy my time spent on JM. Angela travels often with her hubby, staying in hotels away from family and friends. She had one hell of a day and wanted someone to talk to and she turned to other mamas to share her experience and heartbreak with and this is how she is treated. Yes, there have been fakers out there that we've all shed real tears for just to learn that our legs had been pulled right out from underneath us. But I highly doubt any of those bogus posters had the real history Angela has.

Stop talking amongst yourself and posting hurtful words just to say you had to say something. Stop your fingers from making the mistake I've seen here. If you had and she had been a faker, than you wouldn't have given her the attention she was seeking. In this case, you've only caused more hurt and frustration for her, her wonderful husband and other mamas like me who know she is who she is.

Yolanda
outnumbered on JM; September 22, 2008 at 11:44 AM
Anonymous said...: These comments are unbelievable.

I am honestly feeling sick to my stomach at what I am reading.

For the record, even though I can't believe I even need to state this: my husband Eric and I have met Angela and Troy. Real, live and in the flesh! Not only is she real, but she's one of the sweetest, most genuine people I know. And Troy is a super husband, nice, funny, and better than me at Guitar Hero.

If Angela had past miscarriages, it is her business. She doesn't owe you or anyone else her entire history.

I happen to know for a fact that Angela is not the only girl on JM with skeletons in her closet. I know things about other JM girls that they choose not to make public knowledge. Some of us have been abused, some have been raped, some have cheated on their husbands and they don't feel the need to tell everybody. And you know what? That is okay. We are not obligated to tell the whole world everything - on an Internet forum, no less.

To those who are on some kind of self-righteous troll hunt right now, my advice is to turn off the computer for a couple of days and re-enter your real life. This negative, online interaction cannot possibly be gratifying for you. And unless you are a medical professional who has actually examined Angela, please refrain from Internet diagnoses.

Angela - I will see you the first week of November, my dear. If you need to talk, you know all 59 ways to reach me... haha... :); September 22, 2008 at 3:22 PM
Anonymous said...: Just wanted to give you a (((hug))).; September 22, 2008 at 3:51 PM
Unknown said...: Also wanted to leave you some ((Hugs)); September 22, 2008 at 6:16 PM
Anonymous said...: Angela I am so sorry you are going through this!!! Im sending you tons of hugs!!! Troy your message is so sweet you guys seem wonderful together!!!

Morgan(Morgs); September 22, 2008 at 8:13 PM
Unknown said...: Dear Angela and Troy,

I don't know either of you but I have been in JM forums a little bit with Angela. I just wanted to offer my support. And in terms of what an anonymous coward has said... I will say a prayer for that person, too. They clearly need it if they are going through life with that kind of anger. I hope neither of you take any stock in what people like that have to say.

Peace and love to both of you.; September 22, 2008 at 8:21 PM
Anonymous said...: I just wanna send you more

(((((((((huggles)))))))))); September 23, 2008 at 5:24 AM
Anonymous said...: Sweetie I just saw the comments on the JM thread and this blog and I am SO sorry that people are treating you like this! I never once doubted you, or your experience and I don't know how anyone could just assume that every woman would have the exact same experience during a loss.
I was thinking back to my own loss, and although it wasn't nearly as bad I thank God every day that it DID happen to me. If it didn't I wouldn't have my beautiful little girl right now and I could't imagine my life without her! I just want you to know that I love you and I'm here for you...and the perfect baby for you and Troy is still waiting for you out there :); September 23, 2008 at 11:38 AM
Anonymous said...: I am just shocked that people can write such disrespectful words to someone they've never met IRL. How sad is someone that they can hurt someone so intentially (spelling). I feel bad for those people!

Angela- many hugs for you sweetie!! You are such a great person- you helped me find my midwife- you are kind and very knowledgeable and I know we'd get along great IRL.; September 23, 2008 at 4:13 PM
Angela said...: Thanks to all of you who have left kind words and hugs for me!!!!!; September 24, 2008 at 2:45 AM
Angela said...: Link to a friends blog post--- http://oriyan1.blogspot.com/2008/09/for-angela-soimarriedanerd-and-for.html; September 25, 2008 at 2:42 AM

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